Amber Ulmer

My Support

My support...is this man. I don't think I could ever thank him enough for supporting me through this trip. He is amazing. He was encouraging. He was strong when I couldn't be.

Also, you guys are amazing... still the encouragement I keep receiving is mind blowing so thank you. So much!

Also, LUXE has received their new lines in the warehouse & are doing a giveaway on the blog! Go Check it Out!

Well, just have to work on Saturday. Then some driving around and taking photos! Definitely getting some scrapbooking done as well! I feel like I haven't scrapped in weeks! Well, it has been 2... Im kinda having withdraws.

I also posted a few more photos from our session w/Tina last month on Ulmer Studios! Gosh, she is so beautiful!

Ill be back Monday with some fun scrappies to share!

Have a great weekend!

xoxo

Photos...and the story

Ok. I am going to share some photos...and the story along the way. Im ready.

We arrived in Ft. Lauderdale and got our rental...

and headed to our hotel...

That happens to be right across the beach so before we headed to see my mother and grandmother, we stopped over there.

After we spent a lil bit of time together on the beach... relaxing, we went to my grandmothers/mothers place. It was actually very good to see her that day. She seemed OK. She got out a old tupperware box that she had saved a lot of the things I had made as a kid and some of my old school photos so we went through that.

Funny stuff huh... Ya, I still have NO drawing skills what so ever! haha

I snapped a shot of my mom...

and Josh took a shot of the 3 generations...

My sweet grandmother... she is so amazing. Has such fun stories... I just could sit with her for hours. Josh really loved her. She has such a witty personality. Sometimes I forget that she is 83 b/c of some of the things she comes up with sometimes. I love her so much.

After we hung out there for a few hours, my mom took us to dinner at a restaurant by our hotel. It was great. Steamed clams! She used to feed them to me all the time as a lil girl. We had a nice dinner and we took her home.

We had plans to take her to the beach all day Saturday, but when we got to her place, she wasn't feeling well. See, she has a herniated belly button b/c of her cirrhosis so that causes her a lot of discomfort and pain so she wasn't able to sleep well and was in a lot of pain so she stayed home and Josh and I went to the beach for a couple hours. I would've stayed there and hung out with her but she was so exhausted and just wanted to sleep and pretty much forced Josh and I to get to the beach. So we did.

And then a storm moved in.. so we headed back to the hotel. Chilled for a bit.. Then we walked around DownTown Delray Beach where we were staying.

That was so fun. A great break that I needed... my heart needed...

Then we went to pick up my mom and grandmother for the Mother's Day dinner we had at my aunt's house. When we got there, my mom was not OK. I was pretty angry and frustrated but just wanted to get them in the car and get to my aunts. I saw my 2 cousins, Michael and Jared that I haven't seen in almost 10 years so that was great. Had a great dinner, some dessert.

At one point in the evening, I looked over at my mom on the couch and saw... death... her skin was gray looking, she was in a daze, her eyes were yellow, skin was orange, she was bloated and swallow. It was hard. It totally freaked me out.. .bad. I still can't get that image out of my head. That night was really hard. We left shortly after dessert. My mom was not doing good and grandma needed to get to bed too. So we took them home.

I gave my mom a hug goodbye. This was hard for me. So hard. I really let my emotions get in the way and physically did not get close to her when we hugged... I was so hardened by all this... I was angry, frustrated, disappointed. I let her hold my neck as I pulled the rest of my body away... when she was done hugging me... I say it like that b/c that is really how it was. I was not hugging back. We left. Got back to the hotel, packed and slept and left our hotel the next morning at 6am.

As we were driving down I-95, we passed the exit to go to her house. I started to cry... the tears just kept coming. I was thinking to myself... Gosh, why did I left my emotions in the way. Why didn't I just hug her... for what might be the last time. I had a fight with myself in my head basically. I wanted so badly to tell Josh to get off the exit so I could go give her a real hug before we left, but I knew it was so early so I didn't. I wanted to. I hate saying that now. It makes my <3 hurt.. to think that I could've given her a better hug before I left... a real hug... maybe even a kiss.

Now, looking back, after the trip, I am dealing with some guilt... I know I don't need to feel that way and I did the best I could do... I really need to pray about it. Give it to God. That is the only way I will deal with this.

So, that is how my trip went. Thank you for your prayers... your emails.. your words of encouragement... your text messages. They were amazing. They still are amazing.

Ok... I have some fun stuff to share NOW!!! Look what just came in the mail!!!

Ya, We upgraded!!!! We have needed to make this investment for a while and our business has picked up so it has pretty much been paid for for a little while, plus the economic stimulus packaged helped. Im so excited!!! We just got the body b/c we already have 2 lenses! I will use this primarily and Josh will use our XT for sessions... Double time! Woo Hoo! Finally! We knew we would need a second one... and the timing was just right!!

So Thank you for your amazing support and encouragement... It means SO much...

ALSO... TODAY IS THE FIRST BIRTHDAY OF SIS!!!!!

So please come hang out on the board with some of us today!

xoxo

Healing

I am healing... I am doing better.

I have a page to share.

I did this right before I left on my trip actually.

The amazing talented girls over at The Design Experiment have asked me to be their guest for this weeks challenge. It was so fitting for my life right now. Head over there and check it out!

Here is my layout...

The journaling reads:

I see a broken girl, I see scars, I see self-doubt, I see fears, I see pain, I see a child. But, I also see Jesus, I see forgiveness, I see strength & courage, I see hope.

U see happiness, U see smiles, U see brightness, U see passion, U see excitement, U see my faith, U see confidence. And now, U see my heart and my soul. <3

I needed this challenge... In fact, I need more challenges like this... more deep stuff... more heart.

I got a call from sweet Ronda and she really helped me work through some of this. Thank you hunny. I love you.

And I spent some time talking w/Kimmie about it too so it's really helping me. Thank you everyone for your amazing emails. Gosh, I think I have finally gotten back to almost everyone. I have a few more to get back to so if you have e-mailed me... I will get back with you. :)

I will have some photos to share as well from our trip once I get those done.

I will be back soon with some fun stuff...

Oh.. wait...I will be playing some fun scrappies this week that I will be able to share shortly... NEW SIS COLLECTIONS... THE HIPSTER...

It totally feeds my obsession with flea market finds and such! If you like that vintage eclectic touch.. it's so for you!

Well , Im done for today.

xoxo

I am...

I am home. I am here. I am having a hard time. I have a lot of emotions.
I will be back. It might be a few days. I need some recovery time. It was a hard trip.
Thank you for the amazing e-mails and notes of encouragement while I was gone. They
helped me through. Really.
So please... keep sending them if you want. They make my <3 smile and remind me I'm not alone.
I love you. I'll be back.
xo

THANK YOU.

I want to give every single one of you who commented on my previous post a ginormous hug!!! I am just so blessed by you guys... Im so touched by the personal stories you shared with me and the encouragement that you left me.

I am truly lifted up by your support. Thank you for that. I just don't know what else to say. I am just so incredibly touched by every single one of you! Thank you... a million times over...

Today is a better today... especially with this fab-u-LUXE annoucement...

LUXE

So excited about this opportunity with this company! It's going to be so much fun!! Thank you LUXE LADIES/GENTS!!!

I want to share and celebrate some of my inspiriation... From some of my favorite people to just favorite stuff I've seen on Flickr lately...

1. anthro1, 2. 37/365: that face..., 3. 120/366, 4. relief, 5. Untitled, 6. 1 Week Left">

All amazing... all inspiring... all parts of me and my life and what I love...

So today... link me up to something that is inspiring you right now...

A Blog.

A Photograph.

A Person.

A Color.

A Song.

Anything...

Again, Thank you for all of your amazing support and encouragement...

xoxo

Birthday Wishes and stuffs...

Today is my sweet friend Kimmie's Birthday!!!! I made her this...

Finally made a little dent in my Daisy D's Wonder Years line... that stuff is amazing. So much fun! I need to get a couple more of the papers that I don't have...

OK, a little personal update for you guys... I don't blog a whole lot about my personal personal life for many reasons, but this is kinda big so I'm really discussing it for prayers.

My biological mother (NOT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE PHOTOS WITH MY DAD IN AN COUPLE POSTS BELOW) is an alcoholic... She has now developed Cirrhosis of the liver. She does not have a lot longer... 6 months to a year to be exact. Josh and I are flying down to Florida Saturday to spend the weekend with her. Might be the last time. I am not super close with her. I have not seen her since 2004. I am quite nervous about going to visit her. There is always drama... all I want is to have a peaceful "last" time with her. I love her... I mean... she is my mom... but it's so hard... so hard to get past the past... to get past the hurt... the scars... and to just love her. I keep reminding myself of Christ's love for us... as his children... as sinners... and I get better... every moment I think about that... I get better. But it still hurts.

So... if you could, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.

I really would like to be personal on my blog. I might need to start doing that just for myself, regardless of the "heat" I might catch about it. So... here's to getting to know me... even better...

Where should I start...

maybe just with the current struggles I'm going through...

My mom... her name is Susan. She has a disease. It has taken over her life. Every bit of it. She has lost a lot... control...her kids...her mind...now her body. I fear for her. I fear for what is ahead of her. Wow.. this is really hard actually. I'm sorry. I'm gonna do this... I don't ever write... a lot at least... You probably notice this in my scrapbooking. I am not much of a journaler... I'm trying to get better. Sometimes, I don't know how to express my thoughts and emotions. I'm trying. So back to that...

My mom... I don't have a lot of fond memories of her. She tells me "good" stories, which I have apparently blocked out for one reason or another. I wish I could remember. I really do. I think I might even have more love for her if I remembered her... but I don't. I can't get them back. And b/c of her and her manipulation, I don't know the truth... from her at least. For all I know, these things she could've made up in her head... which would NOT surprise me. I do like her when she is sober. She is a different person when she is sober. It's been a really long time since I've seen that person or even heard that person's voice over the telephone. It's a refreshing sound.. that voice of my mom... MY mom.. not the disease. Sadly, all I have heard for a long time is the disease... it breaks my heart... I miss HER... She made me smile when I knew she was HER and not the disease. I'm scared that when I leave on Saturday and arrive at her house, it won't be HER... it will be the DISEASE... the disease makes me angry and frustrated. Now, your probably thinking... this girl needs some therapy. Well, I did that... in MIDDLE SCHOOL... middle school people... went to Ala-Teen meetings... AA meetings... so this is healthy right now... what I'm doing.. b/c what you are reading might be the FIRST time I have ever... ever... "journaled" about all of this... so this is good... really good.

I have not physically cried about the fact that my mom is dying...not yet at least. So I need this... I need to write it out... be REAL.

See, I am happy 99.8% of the time... for REAL. I know everyone has their ups and downs... and I do too.. I just don't blog about them... it's my business... not the worlds... but I want you to see me... the REAL me... the hurt me... the me that is struggling with something inside... So there you have it... I am going to get better at this writing thing... some times it may be about my "normal" happy life stuff... and sometimes... it may be like this... REAL life stuff... scary life stuff... Is that OK?

Do you want to read about the real me? Do you want to know about my life? Really... I want to know.

Ok.. now for some "happy" life stuff.. OLW... I love being a part of this challenge blog. I really do. It's am amazingly talented group of women who have amazing hearts and I adore them. Here is my latest for OLW...

I finally used KL's Romantic Collection from SIS! It was so fun! This lil hanger means so much to me.

More personal stuff... here we go...

So Josh has an internship this summer w/our youth department at our church. We were really struggling with him taking it or just working part time somewhere this summer. Money is tight. So we really had a hard time deciding. Then one day, I was driving to work, listening to a worship CD... and suddenly, I felt like I was just being embraced. Embraced my the arms of God. Right there. In my car. It was so warm. So calming. So encouraging. And I knew...I knew that was God telling me "Im going to take care of you... Im going to carry you through this...Im going to provide." So I told Josh this and we prayed some more and he accepted the internship. So I really wanted to do something to document this amazing encounter I had with Christ. My first encounter. So there you have it...

Wow, I really UNLOADED on ya'll today. I hope that is ok...

xoxo

Winner and NSD Photos

Hey hey!
Recovering slowly from my NSD weekend... We slept... ZERO... I mean... ZERO... none... nada... zip... I ended up leaving JJ's at 7 am... got home.. and slept til 3pm Sunday.
It was amazing. It was fun. It's was memories... Thank you for that JJ, KA, Ash (my monkie-moo) & Courtcourt...
The random number generator picked #25 from the comments.. So Jennifer H. please e-mail me w/your addy and I'll get the RAK out to ya!
There was so so very much fun on SIStv all weekend... Thank you for all your girls that participated! It was amazing!
Here are some photos from the weekend... just quick ones. I just got home from a work meeting and soooo need sleep... it will take me a while to recover from this past weekend...

Just some quickies... I will send you girls that were there the photos I took of you either this week or next ok?
Have a great nite. I must sleep. NOW.
xoxo

For Michelle...

Hey lovely... Some more peeks are up... OVER HERE
Just for you!!

Here is one of us from your session!

That is all... back to your regularly scheduled program...
NITE!!
TOMORROW IS NSD!!!
Leave a comment on this post and/or the previous one from today I just might do a fun drawing for a RAK next week...
xoxo

Fridayness

So ya, I said I was going to post like Wednesday but life kinda got in the way...

SO...NATIONAL SCRAPBOOKING DAY IS TOMORROW!!! So excited about my day tomorrow...

If you are able to be around your computer you MUST come play with us over at SIStv!

The Fashionistas have so many fun creative things planned for the day so if you are around and scrapping, you must come play!

I will be at SIStv Headquarters for NSD! We are hosting a local crop and will be doing some things LIVE from there! I can not wait! It's going to be so much fun!!!

Also, This week, Kerry Lynn has an awesome tutorial right HERE

Sometimes, it's nice to take a "paper break" and do some other craftying and Kerry really did it!!

And... I took a brief break from the 365 Self Portrait challenge... I need it... I was so spent... but Im back... Josh and I were out in the backyard w/the pups and Roxy, in the middle of playing, came and crawled under my chair! I had to snap this one!

So funny that girl!!!

I will be working on an inspo mosaic and hope to post that next week. I really love those. They get my mojo going!

Personal things I wanted to share will wait til next week... Today's post is all about NSD!!!! Come play w/us tomorrow!!!

xoxo

Cha..Cha...Cha...CHALLENGE

Ok... So today is my sweet sweet sugahpie Jen Jockisch first Challenge over at the SISTV FASHIONISTA BLOG...

It totally makes me want to go through my scraps and "last years" product and use it up!! I love her layouts so much. She makes the use of so much product and layers SOOO good!

And... THE CATWALK is up today!!! The picks are so awesome. Adding lots of new SISTERS to my faves!

And I have a layout to share...

Ok... So one of my favorite manufactuers is SassafrasLass and when their CHA stuff came out I was just dying to get my hands on it! I finally got some at Scrap ETC.

I am in love w/the vintage patterns and bright colors.. HELLO... that is totally me. I just love it! And it is sooo cut-up-able!! Which is my thang!

I do have some personal things to share coming up and I will try to post tomorrow and share some personal things. I know my blog as seemed kinda "without a lot of words" lately but Im working on that... I blog most of the time at work so Im kinda limited to the time I can spend typing... Maybe I'll blog tonight... Check back!

Have a great day!!

xoxo